


Knock Knock, It's Me, Reality and I'm Better Than You'd Think

by Angelchexmex



Series: Reader Rewards [1]
Category: Royal Pains
Genre: Boris gives him love, Boris will be, COME ON HANK GET A CLUE, Hank deserves love, Hurt/Comfort, It's okay though, Love, M/M, Oblivious Hank, Sad, Sadness, Sleeplessness, Softness, Sweet Sex, Talking, Unknowingly Dating, Working it Out, always mocking us, but still, damn clocks, good boyfriend!Boris, it's adorable, late night thinking, life was not kind to our poor boy, little bit of a happily ever after, sad!Hank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 06:37:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12475648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelchexmex/pseuds/Angelchexmex
Summary: They've been sleeping together for months, but only actually sleeping in the same bed for weeks, and Hank wants more. He wants so much more than just a physical relationship. But everyone leaves in the end, when Hank isn't good enough, when he isn't what they want, when he can't take care of them. So he's willing to take whatever Boris will give him.Boris is so happy his lover finally agreed to move in with him, but he's worried because Hank doesn't seem to be sleeping too well in their new bed. He's in for the shock of his life when he learns just what Hank has been thinking about instead of sleeping.





	Knock Knock, It's Me, Reality and I'm Better Than You'd Think

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the one-shot reward for Pookypunk for being the first person to review chapter 5 of my story Romance of Enigmas. The exact prompt was this: "I would love to see a Hank/Boris where Hank is emotionally damaged and Boris shows him what love is supposed to feel like with some sexy times included if possible :) thanks!"
> 
> As you might have seen, this is now a part of series marked as rewards, which means I'll have more rewards up for other things. I'm not sure how it's going to work yet but I think it's a good idea because it means my readers can get me to write things they would like to see that I might not think of and I can flex my writing muscles and expand my horizons. 
> 
> Even though none of you guys asked, I'm gong to put my tumblr here anyway so you can send me asks about any of my stories or prompt me for little blurbs of things. No promises I'll write them all but it could be fun! My tumblr is musingsfromtheclosetofanunknown. I don't have anything on there right now about my fanfiction stories, but you don't need to follow me, you can just come chat a bit.
> 
> Romance of Enigmas will be updated next weekend (10/27-10/29). 
> 
> Also: there is a very important WARNING in the end notes. It's honestly about a very small part of the fic but super important anyway.

Unless he was standing over an actively bleeding body, Hank had never been one to stay up late. Medical school had been years ago for him, and after he left he’d vowed to sleep as much as possible and not keep the insane hours from before. He’d been fairly good on his promise, whenever he wasn’t on call he’d go to sleep around ten every day and wake up at eight. Or, perhaps, it would be more accurate to say that he had once been good to his promise. 

The dim green blinking of the alarm clock, which gleefully told him that the time was now exactly three in the morning, seemed designed only to mock Hank. Recently, sleeping had become harder and harder, and for the most cliched reasons as well. 

Rolling to his left, carefully so as not to wake his partner, Hank came nearly face-to-face with Boris. They’d been sleeping together for a few months, three months and six days but really no one was counting, but they’d only been sharing a bed at night for two weeks now, thirteen nights exactly, actually, but two weeks sounded less obsessive and anything that made this situation seem less weird Hank was going to hold onto for dear life because nothing really made sense anymore.

Eight months ago Hank had been fired from a job he never thought he’d lose and then been dumped by his fiance. A few months later his brother had dragged him out of his apartment and to the Hamptons, and there Hank had save a woman’s life and became the lover of a German royal. It seemed like some kind of fairy tale and every time Hank paused to really think about it, something dark and afraid burned inside his chest. 

Hank reached out one hand, wanting to touch Boris and make sure he was real, but he hesitated. He was being odd, worse than that he was being an idiot and he knew it. Whatever they had going on between them, it was based in and around sex. There was nothing else to it. 

That dark, twisting part of Hank burned even brighter and his heart ached. Hank pulled his hand back and closed his eyes, not wanting to see Boris’ calm face. He never had these thoughts in the day, when he was always doing something and rarely had time to think about where his life was going. He could pretend everything was normal then. He could pretend that he didn’t want to go on dates with Boris and didn’t want to spend hours just talking with him and didn’t want to be domestic with him. All of that fell away at night and Hank was stuck thinking in circles. His mind always stalled when he thought of actually talking to Boris. 

He was never able to stop thinking about his ex-fiance either. She’d left him without care when he was at his lowest, so now he was never at anything but his best. He wanted to keep Boris for as long as he could, and everyday was another treasure he didn’t think he would get, but there was only so long Hank could be wonderful. There was only so long before Hank felt tired or upset and he was already cracking under the pressure of it all. 

Hank rolled away from Boris, training his eyes on the wall instead and deliberately ignoring the mocking blinking of the clock that continued to mark out the time. He didn’t need to know how late he was staying up, late enough for it to be early, and he didn’t need to know just how much his fling with Boris was affecting him. 

There were no emotions in this, Hank reminded himself as his hands curled into fists and his body attempted to do the same. He wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear, but Hank was an adult and he knew better than that. He did.

It didn’t stop him from pulling his knees up just slightly to assuage the need. People didn’t love him; they used him. He took care of people and then they left him when they no longer needed him. Everyone always left in the end when he became useless, and Hank didn’t know for how long he could still be of use to Boris.

“Hank?” Hank tensed, his mind suddenly yanked from it’s musing and to the present. “Is something the matter?” A hand landed on Hank’s hip and Boris’ warm body soon followed to curl around his back. Hank shuddered softly as Boris’ breath brushed against his neck and his body began to warm due to Bori’s presence. He hadn’t even realized he’d been cold before, but he had thrown off the covers at some point in his tossing and turning. 

“Can’t sleep,” Hank replied truthfully, his voice hoarse. He worried about that for a moment, wondering if it was a result of the ache in his chest or the burning in his eyes that he refused to acknowledge. Whatever it was, he hoped Boris didn’t notice it. The last place he wanted to have that kind of conversation was half naked in bed with his fully naked lover.

Not that Boris was really his lover, Hank thought bitterly. There was no love between them, just need and convenience. Hank curled up a little tighter, accidentally bringing Boris closer to him as he did so. “Perhaps it is the cold,” Boris replied, one hand rubbing up and down Hank’s side slowly, “you did reject the covers.”

Hank hummed in response, most of his focus turned inwards on a mix of self-loathing and fear and despair. “You’re covers are too slick,” Hank finally stated after the silence had dragged on for a while, “I feel like I’m trying to swim or am slipping on ice.” Hank had brought up that very thing before and had had to promptly stop Boris from buying a completely different set of sheets and bedspread. Boris had done a number of odd things like that: buying Hank things or changing things just because Hank expressed a preference. The few times Hank had brought up his confusion to Boris, the older man had seemed confused but has always held firm that he wanted Hank to be comfortable at home. Hank always found it odd but sweet that Boris wanted him to feel comfortable in the man’s home, even if it did seem like too much to change one’s house around for an employee. 

“Perhaps I can warm you up in another way,” Boris murmured, wrapping himself more firmly around Hank and slipping a leg between his. Hank thought about saying no for a moment, thought about just getting up and leaving. He didn’t really want sex at the moment, but then that was the only reason Boris let him get this close. In the end, Hank kept his mouth shut.

Boris pressed a kiss to Hank’s neck and Hank offered no resistance. It only lasted for a moment though before Boris seemed to realize that something was wrong. “Hank?” Boris asked again, this time his voice was more suspicious and fully awake. 

Hank rolled to look directly at Boris, unsure now of his next steps. He didn’t think he could smile his way out of this one, but he also didn’t want to leave. “I’m tired,” Hank stated, doing his best to give Boris a sleepy smile. Whatever expression he did manage, obviously didn’t fool Boris because he immediately reached over Hank to flip on the lamp that rested behind that infernal clock which continued to blink out the time of day. Hank fought back the urge to glare at the clock which was cheerily telling him that it was nearing four in the morning. 

“What is wrong Hank?” Boris questioned, fully serious now and Hank wanted to do nothing but curl under the stupidly silky covers and forget about all of this, but Boris was not about to let that happen. Instead they both ended up sitting up with their backs resting against the headboard and the blankets covering their laps. 

“Nothing,” Hank stated, but it was obvious that Boris didn’t believe him and he sighed in resignation. “I don’t think I can keep doing this,” he motioned to the two of them, but more importantly the distance between them. The words felt like acid burning in his mouth as he spoke them, but Hank didn’t know what else to do. This moment had been coming for months, but Hank still wished things could have kept going on as they had. If Boris had just stayed asleep Hank could have made it until morning, could have put back on his smile and acted like everything was normal.

“You’re breaking up with me?” Boris’ words sounded so confused, so perplexed and hurt that it took Hank a moment to really focus on what Boris had said.

“Break up with you?” He questioned, the confusion in his voice this time as he turned to look more fully at Boris. He almost immediately wished he hadn’t: Boris looked devastated. His eyes were wide in shock and pain and his lips were pulled down in a frown and his entire body looked almost as if it had pulled in on itself. Boris looked somehow smaller than Hank could ever remember him being even if his physical size had not changed. “We would have to be dating for me to break up with you,” Hank averted his eyes, letting them rest safely on his folded hands instead of on Boris.

Hank couldn’t seem to figure out what in the world was going on. There was no reason for Boris to be so affected by this. Hank wasn’t bad in bed but he also wasn’t good enough to warrant that kind of response. 

“We’re not dating,” Boris repeated, the words were slow and measured as if he couldn’t figure out how they all related to each other. 

“Yes, I know,” Hank said with as much calm as he could muster which, of course, meant it came out bitter and sad, “and while you may be satisfied with our arrangement I am not. I can’t keep doing this when I care about you more than that, when I could love you if I’m not careful.”

Part of Hank wanted to laugh out loud. After so many months of hiding all of this away, it seemed it was all coming out at once and in the worst possible way. At least he still had has his boxers on and wasn’t completely naked. It was an empty comfort in the face of what he knew as about to come, but it was a comfort nonetheless. 

“We are not in a relationship and you are objecting to this because you have feelings for me.” Boris repeated, almost as if he was trying to confirm everything he had heard. Hank didn’t dignify it with a response, didn’t have time to really, because Boris broke out in what Hank assumed to be German swears. At the very least, Boris seemed to be angrily muttering something to himself in german, hands running through his hair in frustration before he turned to Hank. Hank, who had been unable to keep his eyes from Boris when the man switched languages, averted his eyes again. 

“Hank, can I ask you something?” He questioned, voice holding the oddest note in it. Hank almost would have called it incredulousness or amused exasperation.

Hank didn’t really want to answer, but he supposed he did have the obligation to at least explain. That and the only other option was to try and put on his clothes as quickly as possible and flee the room, but Hank was too much of an adult for that: for now at least. “Alright,” Hank agreed, keeping his eyes firmly focused on the wall across from the bed now. Looking at his hands made him feel too much like he was hiding, but he also wasn’t ready to look directly at Boris.

“When we went out yesterday for lunch, why did we go?” 

Hank didn’t answer for a moment confused as to why that was at all relevant. “It was a business meeting, we have them at least twice a week for lunch.” Hank always remembered those meetings because they were oddly informal and sometimes they didn’t even talk about Boris’ medical condition, but they always ended up talking about work. Although, sometimes it was just about the patients Hank had seen that day or what the rest of his day’s plans were. He’d enjoyed going to new restaurants and had even suggested going to a few himself.

“A business meeting,” Boris repeated softly, “I see.” Hank was starting to wonder if Boris did see or if he was too tired to really be sure what was going on. Boris did seem to be repeating things a lot. “What about two months ago when we went to Europe and traveled around there for two weeks?”  
“I know work takes you out of the country sometimes and since you were going to be gone so long it was important that your personal doctor went with you.” This time Hank was on more firm ground, the questions were odd but he knew all the answers to them.

“What about all your clothes that are in our wardrobe and closet?” Hank looked towards the closet, brow furrowed in slight confusion.

“I keep a few things around for when something happens or I sleep over. Sometimes there’s an emergency and I need to be close by.” Hank looked at the closet and then at Boris, finally meeting the man’s eyes. “Am I keeping too many there? I try to have only the essentials.”

Boris mouthed something to himself, if Hank didn’t know better he would almost think the man was cursing again, before he asked his next question. “What about all the changes to the house? What about the fact that you’ve been sleeping here constantly for thirteen nights?” Hank was briefly pleased to see that he wasn’t the only one that had counted specifically. “What about the fact that I’ve introduced you to my brother? What about the fact that we had a six month anniversary two weeks ago? What about the fact that you introduced me to your family?”

Hank sighed, finally fed up with the steady stream of odd questions that Boris kept spouting out. “I don’t see where any of this is going,” Hank stated, his voice oddly subdued and aching, but he needed to get this out now while he still could. “We have a good working relationship and that’s why I’m bringing this up now. I know you aren’t interested in me romantically and-”

Boris stopped Hank with a hand on his cheek. “Hank,” Boris stated, voice soothing, “look at me please.” 

Hank couldn’t help but obey, locking eyes with Boris’. “Hank you moved in two weeks ago,” he stated softly, thumb rubbing gently against Hank’s neck and almost distracting him from Boris’ words. “We’ve been dating for more than six months now. I’ve met your family and you’ve met mine. We go on vacation together and go on dates. I bring you little gifts all the time.”

Hank shook his head slowly, more from confusion than denial. “We can’t be dating. Why would you ever want to date me? I’m already your doctor, there’s not much more I can give you. I’m not worth anything more than that.”

For the briefest of moments, Boris’ hand on Hank’s face stilled, and then Boris was pulling Hank into his chest. “You are worth more than your job,” he stated fiercely. “Perhaps I wasn’t as clear as I should have been from the beginning, but I love you. I love you more than I ever could have believed possible and I want to continue loving you. I have never been as happy as I have been since we started dating and if we need to start from the beginning all over again then I would be more than happy to so long as you stay.”

“But,” Hank protested, doing his best not to melt into Boris’ warm and, dare he say it, loving hold, “you don’t need me. My father left when I couldn’t be a good enough son anymore, my mother left when I couldn’t take care of her anymore, my brother left when he didn’t need me to take care of him, and my fiance left when I wasn’t able to care for her anymore. I don’t have anyway to take care of you except to be your doctor and that’s already my job.”

“You don’t need to take care of me,” Boris whispered harshly, pulling Hank back just enough so that they could look into each other’s eyes. The move was so quick, Hank couldn’t even feel a spark of panic at what seemed to be Boris pushing him away. “I don’t love you because you can keep me healthy. I love you for more than that, and I would like to prove that if you would let me.” 

Hank couldn’t seem to get everything straight in his head. He’d been unknowingly dating Boris for months, had unknowingly moved in with Boris, and Boris was also apparently in love with him. None of it made sense, but that dark and aching part of Hank was beginning to fade, a spark of hope burning it away. Maybe, maybe Hank could have this? Boris was right, there was nothing he needed Hank for, but just because he didn’t need Hank didn’t mean he didn’t want Hank. Somehow that meant more than anything else anyone had ever said to him.

“You want me,” Hank stated, briefly sparing a moment to appreciate the irony in the fact that he was now the one repeating things in a confused voice. 

“I do,” Boris agreed firmly, and his hand was back on Hank’s cheek and his thumb was back to stroking Hank’s neck, “I would like to take you on a date tomorrow if you are amenable. I proper, romantic date.”

Hank wanted that too. He really, really did, but he didn’t know how to say that. He didn’t know how to make the spark of hope in his chest burn brighter; he couldn’t find the words. Instead he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Boris’. Soft but fervent, trying to push what meaning he could into it. He wasn’t really sure if it would work, the concept itself seemed idiotic, but he couldn’t help but hope that would be enough. 

Unfortunately, Boris was fairly quick to pull back. “You didn’t want to earlier,” he stated, eyes worried and hands soft where they were settled on Hank’s hips. “We can stop our physical relationship for as long as you need.” 

But that wasn’t want Hank wanted, not right now. He was feeling oddly raw and open and a little bit cracked. His world view had dramatically shifted, he’d apparently been dating Boris for over six months, and he was practically being offered what he’d pined over for months on end. He wanted to be held, to be pulled close and be comforted, but he also wanted a kind of reformation. He wanted to know if it would feel different now, better. “I want you now,” Hank asserted, calm and easy and more settled than he had been in over three months.

Boris didn’t do move for a moment, instead searching Hank’s face the same way he had earlier when trying to find out what had been wrong. Hank held still, hoping Boris saw what he needed. A moment later Hank was reassured with the soft press of Boris’ lips on his own. It wasn’t anything new or special or groundbreaking. It was the same press and suck that it had always been, slightly chapped and with five o’clock shadow scratching at his face, but that dark painful part of him wasn’t nagging anymore. It was easier in all the ways that mattered and familiar in all the ways that were important.

Hank pressed closer and Boris let them slip down the bed. Hank knew those sheets were too slick, but just this once he wouldn’t protest. Instead he focused on Boris’ mouth and hands, the gentle movements of both their bodies until Boris spread his legs and one of Hank’s slide between them. It was so much better than before, not because anything was physically different, but because Hank wasn’t hiding anything this time.

The rocked together, slow and careful and sweet. Boris whispered something in German over Hank’s skin where he nipped and sucked, and Hank muttered broken English curses as he dragged seeking hands down Boris’ side and over his chest. He’d been absolutely delighted when he’d found that Boris’ nipples were fairly sensitive and he used that knowledge to his advantage. He took one in his mouth and pushed down with his leg, pulling a broken moan out of Boris’ throat. 

This was what Hank had been missing these last few months: the freedom, the lack of fear over performance and what would come next. Hank bit and sucked at Boris, always returning to his chest and, specifically, his nipples until the older man practically yanked Hank up to press their mouths together. Hank moaned into the kiss and lost himself in it, until Boris hand found itself in his boxers and he started pulling at Hank’s erection. Fingers slick with precome and rubbing confidently at the crown of Hank’s cock, Boris rocked up into Hank’s thigh with more vigor and did his best to get them both off as quickly as possible.

Sweet and slow and transformed into sweet and frantic, although how it was still so sweet Hank wasn’t sure, he just knew it was true. When they both came, it was warm and nice. It wasn’t anything explosive or new, but it was better than it had been and, after wiping them both down with Hank’s filthy boxers, Hank curled happily into Boris’ arms. 

Not everything was fixed, Hank knew, as his heavy-lidded eyes noted that the clock was now chirpily announcing six am to the world, but things were much better. Tomorrow Hank would wake up still curled in Boris’ arms. He would shower and return to the room to see Boris hiding a little black box, but he wouldn’t think anything of it. They would continue their relationship and it would have it’s ups and downs. Hank’s fear and insecurities weren’t solved overnight, but he was less afraid to talk about them, and two years later he would see the little black box again. The wouldn’t remember the first time he saw it, but he would always remember the second time. After all, it wasn’t everyday Hank accepted a marriage proposal.

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING:
> 
> There is about a paragraph where Hank doesn't want sex but is willing to have it anyway. Boris kisses his neck and then stops immediately after because he can tell something is wrong. That is absolutely all that goes on. The sex that does happen is much later and fully 100% consensual. However, I want to warn you guys anyway in case that's a trigger for anyone.


End file.
